So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
