We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The beer is more important than you right now.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
