Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
