I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
