She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
