doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
