one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.