what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol