Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
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onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
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My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals