Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway