they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
