I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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