I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
