god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
