Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Dick very happy bro
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
