It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
