You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I am midnight drunk by noon
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
