i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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