Your tits are I can't wait for
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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