Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
