I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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