i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
