he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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