i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
