sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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