4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I did not marry a roomba.
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