So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
