Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
