So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
