you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
