I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
