as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
