My liver just broke up with me...
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
just tell him i said nine months
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
