and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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