I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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