addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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