the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
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It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize