I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Welp...herpes.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
