Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
