I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
