Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
