We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
