like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
