My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
