I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
