Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
