Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
