I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
