I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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