Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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