I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
