lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize