I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
