dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
