Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
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