well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
