i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
