i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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