TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
