No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
