No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
