I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
