Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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