I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
