i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Actions speak louder than pants.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
